Today

Debbie and I decided that today I needed to be dad, and hang out with the kids this morning. Unfortunately I had eaten too much weird stuff last night at 7:00 and by 4:30 this morning I was awake, and sick! I wont go into details but I wish I had not eaten last night at ALL!

Ryan came into my room this morning and "snuggled" Megan came in later. Eventually the conversation turned to talking about mommy coming home. Ryan understands cancer very well. Last week when Deb went in for the bone scan he mentioned that if the cancer spread to her bones she could die. At the time he had even asked her if she was going to die. At that time she said, "of course we all die sometime" as the conversation went on then she assured Ryan that this cancer does not normally spread to the bone. With Saturday's findings he was content. Throughout the week he has figured out that it had spread. We had talked about the test earlier and the hope that the test would show something else. Yesterday we discussed the fact that it was cancer and had spread.

Today I helped him understand where it is, how the Dr.'s are going to try to help stop it and maybe shrink it. Being the very wise boy he is he asked if she would die. I let he and Megan know that though that is a possibility we are still hopeful for slowing it down. We talked about people we have known that have survived cancer. Susan, his grandmother, and several others. We then talked about Carol Winslow. Ryan and I had visited with Carol on the Friday before his passing. We discussed how Carol had been told many things early on in his battle, and that there had been some hope and some progress. Ryan is still processing this, and Megan simply states she does not want mom to die.

I have been reading many of the booklets, and print outs, and am glad for the support of the social work department on the unit! Both kids asked when they would receive their care package, and then we worked on a book together. We chose to do a page that talked about changes in the house. They did great! And following the recommendations of the book when they were don talking the ran off to play, full of the knowledge that we can talk about scary things, and that it is o.k. to be worried.

I tried to prepare them for the fact that at church there may be some people in tears, and that everybody is very concerned for mommy. They asked why people might be crying and I stated again that people are very hopeful that the chemo will help, but that it is very said that she even has to be in the hospital with pain and fighting cancer. They were o.k. with that answer and look forward to going to church.

Later, still not feeling totally well the kids and I joined the Keeley's at the Black and Gold game. We took pictures with Truman and sat on the front row at the 5 yard line. Right next to the band and very close to the Golden Girls. The weather was bad but the kids enjoyed themselves. We went to see Debbie at half time, but not before I stood in the back row of the Alumni picture for the football team. You can see me almost in the middle with my "Indiana Jones" hat on......and NO I did not play football at MU! :)

Gary and Tiffany, Debbie's "little" brother, came over this morning to visit with Deb. Today she started the "cool aid" it is reddish orange and dripping slowly into her. I have been praying over that mixture since I first saw it. Cheering it on in the battle against those cancer cells! I can picture a Magic School Bus episode watching the chemo shooting down the cancer! At least my sense of humor is still a little off! :)

They did take Debbie down for another x-ray to see if her rib and broken, she was still having pain this morning. We heard nothing all day so I am guessing she did not break it. They also started a phentinol patch for pain, Debbie has been tired, but also a little loopy, so she was able to at least visit with folks when they stopped by.

Tonight Jennifer Burpo stopped by. She was one of those little youth group girls we had years ago, now she is a grown woman! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!!!! We talked and enjoyed our time with her. She and hospitals do not get along, and the battles with cancer in her family have been difficult. THANK YOU JENNIFER FOR COMING! You are a trooper.

Debbie is having some weird jaw pains tonight, in fact she stated that her moth feels numb. Maybe the chemo, maybe the surgery yesterday and the wedge they shoved in her teeth. At any rate she is still on oxygen, but is sleeping comfortable right now. She is back to snoring like she did at home.... small joys on another long day.