Planting a Legacy

Article in the Boonville Daily News about Planting a Legacy at CMU in honor and memory of Deb.

Happy Anniversary

Well, just as Debbie and I had predicted 17 years ago, today is a gorgeous day! We were on a hay ride with a youth group when we discussed that October would be a great month to get married. I told her that we should get married the next year. And long story short, we did! Today it has been 16 years since we stood together at the Methodist Church in Camdenton Missouri. In all these years I can only think of one year that the weather was not perfect! I am so glad that it is holding true this year!

You know it is hard to describe the emotions today. Megan has been home sick for the past two days, today we went to the Dr. to find out it is a virus. So I am keeping busy working from home and keeping her comfortable. Like I said it is hard to describe the emotions, probably really nothing I say would make any sense, I can hardly sort them out. But I can say that I am thankful for all the wonderful e-mails of support I have been getting today.

There are so many people missing Debbie, she meant so much to so many. I so often see a picture of her and think of how lucky I was to have been married to such a wonderful person. I know that someday I will get to be with her again in heaven, and until then she lives in my heart as she lives in so many of yours.

Well go outside, take a deep breath of the fall air, say a prayer of thanks for all the gifts in our lives, and remember that God is truly amazing. He keeps me going and I know He is keeping many of you going as well.

Thank you all,


Andy

It has been a while

Well, I thought I better sit down and let everyone know some details about the memorial bench and tree. On Saturday October 11th, at 11:15 a.m. we will gather on the sidewalk outside of Lynn Memorial on the campus of Central Methodist University. At that time we will have a dedication service for the tree and bench. I am really kind of flying by the seat of my pants on this since I have not planned a great deal to happen on that day. I am hoping for some good serendipity to come along.

It took me forever, and a lot of sleepless nights, to try to figure out what to put on the bench as a memorial for Debbie. There are no words to express all that she was and still is in our hearts. I read through her journal and have been reading the same Bible study she started back in January. What kept coming to mind was her desire to take time to be with God, to rest in His love and spend time in His word. Entry after entry in her journal referred to coming to God in times of difficulties and in times of joy. Finally I decided to go with Matthew 11:28, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

I figured that is perfect for a bench, and for the way Debbie lived her life. She went full throttle each and everyday, and yet knew that she could always come to God and find peace. The tree will be a hard maple that will change to a wonderful fall foliage each year around our anniversary. We always loved the fall and in fact that is why we chose the fall to get married in.

Anyway, if you have any ideas on how to pull off a good service on the 11th let me know, otherwise I am planning on just showing up, singing some songs, saying some prayers, sharing some stories of Debbie's life and closing with a prayer.

After the short ceremony I think several of us will head down to Emmet's for some more times of sharing, crying and laughing together. Everyone is welcome to come and enjoy the memories.


As a short update on how the kids and I are doing:

Well school started kind of rough for Megan, lots of separation difficulties in the morning, but that has gotten a lot better. Ryan has been doing great at school, but does have the occasional sleepless night. He is a trooper and has been known to lay in bed for hours before going to sleep on the most difficult nights. I will rub his back and pray with him and eventually he drifts off to sleep, thankfully that is not a nightly occurrence, but it does seem to happen on nights when we have been thinking of mom a lot. I continue to have good days and bad days, good hours and bad hours, and some times good moments and bad moments. Mostly very lonely and missing my best friend.

With the speed of everything going on during Debbie's illness I just took things one day at a time. Now as I have time to think and run through things in my mind it can get a little overwhelming. The reality of being a family of three is hitting home. As I find a new path for us we are enjoying trying new things. This past Friday night we went to watch the Hickman v. Rockbridge football game. Ryan absolutely loved it! If he is anything like me he will surely play in high school and maybe even college. Last night I took Megan to a father daughter dance to help raise funds for Amanda McDaniel. She is still fighting her cancer and has left today to go back to Houston. (you can follow her treatment at www.cheersforamanda.blogspot.com) Megan enjoyed getting dressed up and wearing the corsage (not sure if I spelled that correctly, it was the flower! :) ) I had fun once again trying to figure out how to blow dry her hair, still have not been successful with the curling iron! :)

So pretty much we just keep on keeping on and put one foot in front of the other. I want to thank you all for your continued prayers, and I know that many of you have been checking in to see if I post. I do still receive messages from this blog directly to my e-mail and if some of you would like to e-mail instead of posting that is fine. You can always reach me at andy@coyotehill.org and you can see what is going on with Coyote Hill by going to www.coyotehill.org I am currently working on fundraising with the 50% tax credits, so if anyone has a business interest and would like to donate to the Hill with tax incentives let me know.

I will probably be posting a bit more for the next couple of weeks so keep checking in. It sounds like the Boonville paper will be running an article on Debbie. I will let you all know when that gets published.

Thank you all again,

Andy

October

First let me thank everyone who continues to check in here, I know that most have moved on, but some still check to see what is happening.

Ryan, Megan and myself went to Maine and enjoyed some time with family there. It was great, and a way to learn how to be a family of three. We continue to learn each day just how much we can miss Debbie, but also how much she has taught us about living. We are doing o.k. God continues to hold us in His arms.

In October we will be having a tree dedication, and I am working on a memorial bench. We are planning on doing this on the campus of Central Methodist University on home coming weekend. It also just so happens to be our 16th wedding anniversary weekend. This will be October 11th. The plans are still in the process, so you may need to keep an eye out for more information to come.

Now for those who did not know, the phone book is wrong. Many of you tried sending me mail there. For many reasons I did not want to post my address on line during Debbie's illness, we just had too many narcotics etc around, and I did not want everyone in the world to know when the house would be empty etc. So, now that we are home more, my address is 1450 N. Boothe Lane, Columbia, Missouri. 65202. I really am sorry for the difficulties some had in trying to send us mail on Waterfront, and I really feel sorry for the person living there! :)

Thank you all again!

More prayer needed now!

I just got word, Larry, the executive director at Coyote Hill and the person responsible for helping me set up this blog; has a daughter, Amanda, who has had new growth in her tumor. Obviously with the crazy way cancer can act it is very important to jump all over this. If you would like to follow her with your prayers you can go to http://cheersforamanda.blogspot.com Larry and she are at MD Anderson right now awaiting more test. Please pour out your hearts to the Lord. Cancer has stolen enough from us, Amanda needs to be a positive story of healing!

As for the kids and I, we are on a roller coaster ride of emotions. I described it to someone as the typical ups, downs, quick turns and twist. The good news is that God is our safety harness keeping us firmly planted!

Tonight my heart is once again breaking with the news of Amanda's cancer spreading, it has been just too soon since I heard that news about Debbie. I just pray that the miracles that can happen do happen for her. Also I have to remind myself that every cancer is different.

Keep watching this blog, as I will update everyone later when we have the service of spreading Debbie's ashes in Fayette. We are working on getting a nice oak tree and a granite bench to place on the campus of CMU. This will likely take place in the fall. Most of her ashes will be there, some will go into the ground at our house with another tree, some to a tree at Fairview UMC, and just because Debbie thought it would be fun, a little will go to the Virgin Islands where we got engaged and had our honeymoon.

Thank you all for your continued prayers for us, and now for Amanda and the McDaniel family.

Andy

Welcome Home

On Sunday May 18th Debbie went to walk with the Lord following a valiant fight against cancer. She passed away in her home surrounded by family and friends. A Celebration of her life will be held at Linn Memorial United Methodist Church in Fayette, Missouri on Sunday, May 25th, 2008 at 4:00 p.m.

Debbie was born in Kansas City, Missouri; daughter of Joyce and Gale Stotlemyre. Her father Paul Gale Stotlemyre passed away when she was only two years old.

Later she moved to Stover, Missouri where she graduated Valedictorian in 1986. From there she attended Central
Methodist College in Fayette Missouri where she lettered in Basketball and Volleyball and served as President of her Sorority as well as being active in several service and education fraternities. She graduated Magna Cum Laude in 1990. She worked on a doctorate in Bio-Chemistry at the University of Missouri for several years. She then attended the School of Veterinary Medicine at the University
of Missouri, Columbia where she graduated in 1998. She practiced small animal medicine at Boonslick Animal Hospital in Boonville Missouri for the past 10 years. She was the president of the West Central Missouri Veterinary Medical Association.

Debbie had a passion for children and served as a house parent at Rainbow House in Columbia from 1993-2000. Debbie loved God and expressed that through the work of Fairview United Methodist
Church in Columbia, Missouri as a worker with youth, a leader in missions, and helping coordinate the annual “Little Bethlehem” live nativity event.

Most of all she relished her role as wife and mother. She married Andrew Upham on October 10th, 1992. She poured her soul into making a fun and loving home with her beloved Andrew and their children Ryan 7 and Megan 4. Debbie is survived by her husband and children, her mother and stepfather Joyce and Dave Williams of Sedalia, Missouri, her brother Michael Stotlemyre of Chillicothe, Ohio, her brother and sister-in-law Gary and Tiffany Smith and their son Stevie of St. Peters, Missouri, her Grandmother Martha Heman and many aunts, uncles, in-laws and friends.

In lieu of flowers, donations to the ongoing ministries to youth at Coyote Hill Christian Children’s Home, www.coyotehill.org, are suggested as a fitting memorial to this wonderful woman.

Tributes can be left online at www.memorialfuneralhomeandcemetery.com

* * *
You may download the complete obituary posted above by clicking here.
It is a pdf file. Should you need the free pdf file reader, you can find it here.

Writing

Last night I started a journal for myself. It is filled with my love for Debbie, my love for God, and my broken heart. As a therapist I often instruct my clients to write. I have been writing in this blog, it has helped. As I write in my journal I pray for continued healing. I tell my clients in the beginning to simply "barf" on paper. Get it all out! I am expressing my inner feelings and frustrations there, I also express some of them here. I will spare you the "barfing" ! I know many of you too are struggling with broken hearts. I encourage you to write your thoughts and feelings in your journals as well.

Debbie kept a journal, she gave me permission to read it after she passed. She was not faithful in writing often. Sometimes months would pass between her writing. Her journal is a conversation between herself and God. It is such a treat to fall in love with my wife all over again as I read her writing. It is a testament to her faith, a testament to her weakness, a testament to God's unfailing grace and mercy, which truly was and is her eternal strength!!

Tonight I wrote the obituary for the paper. I will type it in here tomorrow, after I let others proof read it. Debbie has been and done so many things it is hard to keep it short. There is no way to adequately express the depth and beauty of her in a paragraph. Thankfully for most of us on this blog, we have been able to share in the love of Debbie. I like the stories. Greg, you could do me a favor and cut and paste your story to the blog, it is a testament to Deb. For everyone else feel free to post your memories, you can do as many as you would like, please remember to sign them at the bottom with your name. I get many anonymous posts that have no name. Unless you really want to be anonymous which is fine.

Just typing this post tonight has helped me to feel a little better. Gary, Tiffany and many others in St. Louis are going through pictures, LOTS of pictures to help get ready for Sunday. I know that there are many joyous laughs in their hearts, followed by the ache of loss. I want to thank them for going through this difficult time to help us all remember the wonderful life of Debbie.

I am heading in to write in my journal tonight, I will lean into the arms of God as He brings me rest. Tomorrow I will awaken and help plan the memorial, the celebration of Debbie's life. God will have to continue to Carry me, the depth of my sorrow is only relieved by the overwhelming depth of his love, often expressed through His people. (Humpty Dumpty Preschool families, you have been an overwhelming blessing today! The timing and gifts were perfect!) God truly continues to place people in the right place at the right time. Thank you all, and good night!!!

Many Thanks...

I have just started to look through the numerous postings and messages of care. I will continue to read those throughout the day.

One concern that keeps coming up is sending flowers etc. Debbie and I had talked and both agree that flowers are pretty, but they wilt way too soon. Instead of sending flowers etc. please consider making a one time donation to Coyote Hill, or even better commit to a small monthly donation that will continue the ministry and continue the memory of Debbie. You can go to www.coyotehill.org and make on line donations or send the donation to the address provided there.

Debbie has been in ministry with youth most of her adult life. There is no greater joy than to see children and youth nurtured and encouraged in the knowledge of Christ's love for them. We were house parents at Rainbow House for many years, and the ministry of Coyote Hill has been a part of our family for over 7 years now. Coyote Hill has not only been in ministry to the children, but for the past month they have ministered to our family by allowing me time off and the ability to care for Debbie, Ryan and Megan.

I thank you all for your desire to express your love. Our family, and the kids at Coyote Hill continue to be held in the hands of God, your donation there will make an eternally significant difference.

Dr. Nick Campbell and I went to Memorial Funeral home today to make some plans. At this time I can tell you that there will be a Celebration of Debbie's Life on Sunday May 25th at 4:00. Due to the very large number of family and friends, and the fact that Debbie and I met at Central Methodist, we will be having the service at Linn Memorial United Methodist Church on the campus of Central Methodist University in Fayette, Missouri. Parking may be a little difficult there, so let's all pray for a beautiful spring day. Walking the campus of Central is a fond memory and I hope that many of you are able to experience the joy of Spring flowers in Fayette.

Also, Fairview UMC continues to provide a section of their web-site to provide more information. www.frontyardchurch.org

I will continue to Blog for a while. Not sure how long... probably until it stops being therapeutic for me to do so.

Thank you,

Andy

Walking with Jesus

Debbie is now pain free, she passed just a short time ago.

Andy

Hello Stover!

Debbie and I are so sorry! Last night while Gary, Mike and myself were talking we realized that no one had called Tia White, formally Warnkey (sp?)! Thankfully Gary was able to reach her and she was able to come right down this morning. Tia is Debbies BFF, Best Friend For Life. She proved it today with all the help and love she shared. I know also that many friends from Stover are just finding the site. I am glad that Tia was able to come over and share stories with us. I could tell just how happy Debbie was to have her here and be able to tell Tia she loved her!

Debbie has continued to fail today. This morning at 5:30 I was able to help her to the bathroom by myself. She slept most of the day, as we tried to keep her comfortable. She drank some water up until sometime afternoon. She has pretty much stopped drinking, and is unable to even sit up unassisted. Her speech is weak and slurred, when she is able to say anything. She continues to be able to say "I love you."

By 7:30 Mike, Tia, my mother and myself, were able to help her to the "potty" when she asked to go. I in no way could have done it by myself, she just does not have the muscle control anymore.

Her fingers and toes are showing signs of discoloration, her breathing is shallow and labored. We continue to manage her pain. Kim P. copied a lot of praise music and one of the cd's we made on a work camp in 2002 to K.C. She is worshiping in spirit, she is in God's hands now, still on this side of the world, soon to be in heaven with no pain!

These are precious and tear filled times, yet somehow we also find time to laugh and tell stories of fun times. Sometimes Deb lets us know she is hearing everything we say. I know that she is with us still and knows everyone loves her as much as she loves them.

I weep and I cry, then I come back to enjoying every precious moment of life she has left. I will cry many many more tears, but God still comforts my heart, even when I yell at Him.

I love Debbie so much, there are times I can't believe this is happening.

I will join her brothers by the fire out back now and tell stories of our 2o years together, (only 16 married! :) ) I like the the thought of being able to see her in a short time when we are together in heaven.....

Tomorrow is another Sunday. I might be able to come to church, I am not sure it is hard to leave Debbie, but her mom will be here to sit with Deb.

By the way, I want to print this blog off in it entirety and then bind it for the kids to read when they are older. Does anyone know how I can do this in a way that will hold up over time?

On a journey

Deb continues to decline. Today she has not been able to stand on her own. She can not fully control her arms and mouth. Basically she is able to know we are around, she can speak enough to let us know she knows what we are saying.

She told Megan that she is going to be with Jesus. Megan loved on her and Mom loved on her daughter with all the strength she had, plus a lot more than I would have imagined. Ryan has asked if mom is going to die, I let him know she will. We are all tearful.

Tonight Megan and Ryan are at Rod and Kim's along with the Baker kids. What a fun night! Thank you all for lifting us up in your prayers. Debbie and I discussed that this would be a difficult journey. Obviously we had no way of knowing how difficult, and how fast. The progression over this past week has been very dramatic. I believe that at this point it will be a short journey indeed. Our beloved will be pain free soon. We will take longer.... God will continue to hold us tight.

I will sign off to cry now...

thank you

andy

Hospice

Today was again a very rough day. Debbie has barely enough energy to make the trips to the Dr. By the time we were in Dr. Bala's office Debbie was in terrible pain, I hit her button prior to leaving, and just around the time we entered the office. Dr. Bala discussed the fact that he had found another study, but it too was canceled. He discussed the fact that there really is no cure, or even ability to slow this down. He has consulted with Dr. Atkins (sp?) at Washington University. Dr. Starke, Dr. Beyer, and of course Dr. Bala all agree that there is no more treatment for Debbie. Debbie agrees that at this time she does not want to do any more chemo or radiation treatments, she is just too sick to get out every day and go to the treatments. She does not want to endure more side effects from the chemo that we have always known would have next to no hope of affecting the cancer anyway.

Missouri River Hospice will be providing in home care for Debbie and for us. While doing my internship I worked with Community Hospice and know how they work. I am hopeful that we will be able to keep Debbie comfortable.

I am walking around feeling like I am in wet concrete. I am recycling through the grief process about every 30 minutes. Anger, disbelief, bargaining, disbelief, anger, numbness..... pretty much what any good social worker would expect.

The sun has come out. As I sit hear looking out at the bird feeders I think of the beauty of the birds we have seen just today. Red Breasted Grosbeaks, indigo bunting, scarlet tanager, blue jay, blue bird, red breasted woodpecker, downy woodpecker, robins, red wing black birds, cardinals, mourning doves, and many other little ones I can't remember the names of. I hurt, yet I continue to see beauty. Debbie told me to slow down and breath earlier. As I breath I ache, and still I feel the comfort of God. This is a very strange and yet real time.

Surprise, I blogged early!

I have recognized that getting rest is important. It is difficult, but important. Thank you all for trying to remind me nicely that I should occasionally go to bed. The few hours of sleep last night has caught up to me tonight. I definitely prayed the prayer from Marion.

I was overwhelmed today by the wonderful gifts of love from Boonville and from Fairview! I don't know how we could begin to thank you all for your donations and gifts. As was mentioned by one wonderful church member today, she is paying back for all the grace and love shared with her in a time of need. I know that this is what God would have his people do. I also know that there will be many more helped through difficult times in the future. Debbie and I have raised our children to be givers, they will know the wonderful gifts of love that we have received, I know they will always share their gifts with others in their time of need as will Debbie and myself. That is what God has us all doing, living as a family, His children. All I can say right now is THANK YOU! My hope is that if Debbie is not able to physically join us on a trip that the kids and I can get away eventually. The gifts from today will make that possible. Again, Thank you.

Debbie has continued to be confused, she is sleeping most of the time. Sherri was placed by Angels today to help Deb into the Radiation. AND THEN SHE WAITED TO HELP US OUT!! Deb came out and vomited in the parking lot. She was in a wheel chair and we were able to help her into the car. After getting her into the car it hit me at just how awesome it was that Sherri was there! God really does work in wonderful ways. Thank you Sherri for being a vessel!

Deb was able to drink a couple of Boosts today. Though I think they both came up with a vengeance. I think there is a lot of Bile coming up now. Tomorrow I will visit with Dr. Bala about options. Jenny thank you for looking into things. If you have questions that I have not answered in the blog, let me know. I do have all of the CT's, Bone scan, MRI's, and Pet scans on disc. If you don't have my phone number you can always e-mail me directly. If you need to e-mail me outside of this forum don't hesitate. I can not respond to your e-mail address from the blog, though all blog comments get e-mailed to me. I usually go to my e-mail first so I don't have to search back through the posts to look for new messages. I get notified each time, no mater where it was posted, but I never get e-mail addresses to respond too.

Anyway, I am tired, I will let you all go to bed tonight knowing I won't blog again until tomorrow.

Thank you all for your prayers, they are working, it does help, God is responding!

Amen

Day of rest.

Thankfully the day of vomiting has ended, but it is continuing to be a day of rest. Debbie has not eaten all day. I was able to get a little Boost in her, but not really enough to say she had a lot of calories to burn. Earlier the fluids kept coming up, tonight she is able to keep down water. Though the last time she went to the bathroom I don't think she really urinated. I have not really blogged much about bowel movements, but after 3 or 4 weeks of no bowel movements I am sure the vomiting is related. I give her pill after pill of stool softener, she is taking her supplements, eating roughage (when she can), she has had an enema with no result, taken the Mag (and vomited it up!) I purchased some caster oil and mineral oil. If I can get that down her without her throwing up I will be amazed. So as much as I have been reluctant to ask for prayers for a good bowel movement, I guess it is time. So, if you have never prayed for this before I am sure God will enjoy and respond to the chuckle in our hearts, but also he will know the seriousness of our plea. Hey God, how about a good movement!!!!

Cindy, your comment about the heat makes total sense!! We have been convinced that the pain meds have been causing the sweating, but I too remember how hot Debs leg was when the tumor was in there. I guess if we can imagine the amount of tumor in her marrow and throughout her body it makes sense she would be hot from that as well.

Grady and Vicki came over tonight and were a huge help in getting my medical files organized! It is amazing how much paper work can be generated! I have found a new cause for "global warming" between the trees cut down, the machines churning it out, the mail trucks delivering and my frustration level rising as I read more and more paper work that is sent to me only to tell me that more mail is coming and thanking me for my patients!!!! ARRRGGG!!! Thankfully Vicki got me organized and we paid bills, pitched some stuff, and filed others. We made copy after copy to send to Combined insurance, because now I am a part of creating more paper work for another company to send me some paper work on how I need to send more paper work! :) I am glad for organized people, I am not one of them, many of you are saying a big amen to that! One look at my office at work would confirm my disdain for dealing with paper and filing.

O.K. enough venting on that subject, thank you all for the therapy session... after all for me this blog is a great way to vent out some of the frustrations of dealing with this.

Once again I will end my blog with...CANCER SUCKS!

Andy

I guess it had to happen

After several "good" days, today has turned out to be a lot different. Around 3:00 a.m. this morning Debbie woke up to use the bathroom and began vomiting. She got back to bed and slept until 7:30 then again she was vomiting as she got up. She did the same at 9:30. During our trip to the Dr. for radiation treatment of her hip she was almost awake for the entire trip, basically she had been hitting the anti-nausea pump enough to really make her sleep. This afternoon she was vomiting again when I got her up for a shower. Now she is sitting in her chair in the new addition sleeping soundly, or not so soundly if you count the snoring. She was concerning me some with a raspy cough, but that seems to have subsided.

Yesterday when we spoke with Dr. Breyer he was able to go over the CT scan with us. He pointed out a tumor in her left lung about the size of a golf ball, that last month had been the size of 9mm bullet. There were other tumors that have grown in the lung as well as the fluid, that was the 1.5 liters they pulled off prior to her leaving the hospital. He also pointed out that the small tail end of the pancreas was tumor, and he showed me some areas in the midsection of the pancreas that were highly suspicious of being tumor related.

I did get a little bold and asked the question that we have not asked since Dr. Bala initially gave Debbie a year to live. That was knowing what we know now how long? He of course was hesitant to answer. I let him know that her brother from Ohio is wanting to come back and spend quality time with his sister. I asked if he should drop everything and come now or wait till later this summer. He suggested that with the activity that this cancer has already indicated he would recommend sooner than later.

Dr. Bala indicated last Friday that there may or may not be any more attempts at trying to beat the cancer. He is leaning toward strictly palliative care. I am researching everything I can on line. So far I find more and more information about "chemo resistant sarcoma" and trials with every thing from adding heat to the body while giving chemo to throwing all of the vitamins, minerals, and any other pile of crap at it that they can. The end is still the same, they can, in very rare instances extend the life for a short time, but the tumor seems to always win, and some of the side effects from the treatments seem to cause more difficulty than the cancer itself would. There has even been some concern that the vitamins, natural or artificial, may actually feed the tumor cells better than the rest of the body. Knowing how Debbie has been improving her diet since November and taking the vegetable and fruit supplements I tend to wonder if that may not be true?? I did notice today that she continues to take the supplements.

At any rate I know that God has us in his hands, I do wish he would hurry up and bring a cure so that we can all jump for joy!!!

I also wish he would stop putting the shortest verse in the Bible into my head...."Jesus wept."

Thank you for your love and prayers,

Andy

Gathering Manna!

Win, you are so right. Somehow God provides enough each day to help us know that He really is in charge! And Jenny there can never be to many prayers, God hears each one, even the sighs of our hearts. Obviously Deb and I have no problem sharing our lives with everyone. Several weeks ago Rod had mention ministry, even during the misery. I am humbled by the idea that we are doing anything too out of the ordinary. We simply want to glorify God, like we have said many times, God did not give us this cancer, but He will help us deal with it. Truly God is involved.

Today was really a pretty good day. Deb slept most of the morning. When she got up she ate half a can of chicken noodle soup with my mother. I joked with mom that we should have thought of chicken noodle soup a long time ago! After all doesn't that cure just about everything!! :)

Megan and I did run some errands today. She went to the Dr. and found out that she does not have strep throat, most likely a virus. So we will stick with Ibuprofen and drinking lots of cold fluids!

After the morning of errands I came home and to grab Debbie we headed out for Radiation therapy and we visited Options home health at their office to get one of Debbie's pumps refilled. Other than just a little confusion and some pain Deb did really well. She was trucking around the Dr.s office like there was no risk of falling (which there is!!!!) When we got home from that outing Debbie was exhausted. On the way up the stairs into the house she somehow ended up falling backwards down the stairs. Instead of the usually one step behind her I was two, so she did go down, but I was able to help break her fall. It was enough to help remind us of just how weak and unstable she is. Now if you know Deb you know that a little thing like a fall down stairs would not slow her down. So tonight we were able to get back out and head to Megan's graduation.

Humpty Dumpty sure knows how to put on a graduation. Mrs. Stacie and a Mrs. Kay did a great job this year with the entire class. This preschool is a parent co-op and it really becomes another group of friends that work together to raise their children in a Christian atmosphere! The graduation is very much like a family reunion where everyone gets together and enjoys some time sharing memories and fun times. Megan was absolutely adorable, my dad took lots of digital pictures, so eventually I will post those along with the pictures of the dragon cake from Ryan's birthday

We continue to walk through this crazy process one day at a time. It is a journey we often find ourselves saying that we NEVER dreamt would happen, yet here we are. So we continue, one foot in front of the other, one moment at a time, all the while being held in the Lords arms!

Thank you all, and good night!

One amazing lady!

We all know how tough Deb is. Today she once again proved her grit. Getting up for church was a struggle. She was exhausted, even after a fairly quiet night of sleep. She showered, dressed, and applied makeup, only to sweat the makeup mostly off. Something about the drugs she is on really makes her hot!

We made it to church and she really enjoyed just being out of the hospital, and out of bed. The pain was getting to her, but she would not give up. We had her in the wheel chair to save her energy, Megan glued herself to moms lap. I think that had something to do with the fact that the last time Megan saw mom in a wheel chair she was in the hospital for many days afterward. Not to mention Megan still didn't feel all that well.

Thank you to everyone for the prayers and well wishes at church. You truly are a big part of our family. I remember announcing back in November that we would be starting a battle against cancer. I knew then that our lives would change, and like everyone else we had really thought our battle had been more of a skirmish. I am so glad that we have all of you there for support. You truly make this mess much easier to deal with!

After church Deb came home and was able to sit for lunch. Still tired, but also still a trooper. She finally lay down and slept until dinner time. Came out and joined in the third day of parties at our house. Today we had the DaVolts and Kidwells join all the rest of us for a big pork steak dinner! It was almost like old times. I enjoy cooking those pork steaks and everyone else can figure out the vegetables!! :) Somehow we ended up with over 20 people eating and having fun. Debbie was there for the entire dinner, and had even managed to get out on her lounge chair to talk with the other moms! What a wonderful day!!

Finally she was done, and had to lay down again. This time we had quite the scare! Tiffany, an RN, went in to check on Deb. Deb asked if she had brought water to bed. She showed Tiffany her side that was all wet. It was blood! One of the lines from her pump had come loose, the blood then took the path of least resistance out the port! What a mess, and very scary to think that could have happened during the night and I would not have found it until much later!! As is she only lost maybe 30 to 50 cc's, more or less, her shirt had a huge pool of blood, and the sheets were a wreck, but there was no real danger. Tiffany and I grabbed Debs Vet bag pulled out the syringes and Tiff flushed the line to keep clots from forming. Everything was o.k.

Megan still has a sore throat, and I still feel like I am fighting something off. So on top of everything else I think tomorrow we will call to get a dose of antibiotics. Tomorrow night Megan graduates from Humpty Dumpty! Lots of Pomp and Circumstance, mortar board and gown! Deb obviously wants to go! We are looking forward to it!

Deb will have her Radiation treatment tomorrow afternoon and we meet with our home health nurse from Options. So another busy day. My parents are still in town and Joyce will be back tomorrow. It is so nice to have family around to help!

God is providing answers to our prayers! He is providing this family and extended family to share His love for us in a tangible way. God truly weeps with us and laughs with us. We are blessed in so many ways it is hard to even think of them all at one time! We live moment to moment, and yet God continues to show Himself through it all.

Until tomorrow,

Andy

Happy Birthday Ryan

Deb got up this morning and sat with us for breakfast. She has not been feeling all that well but has tried to make it out for the important parts of the day.

Megan and I went out and picked out a mothers day present. We brought home a new recliner for her to sit in and enjoy. She was able to sit amongst the family, Mike & Anna and Dedra, Gary & Tiffany and Stevie came in, my parents and Debbie's parents also came up. It has been a pretty fun day of just hanging out.

Debbie really wants to go to church in the morning so we will get up early and see how things go. We hope to see many of you there!

Andy

Close call

Debbie had a very rough night last night. She was throwing up numerous times throughout the night. This morning she was in terrible shape. She could not keep her oxygen level up, she slept most of the morning. Going for Radiation treatment was very difficult. In short she was in about as bad a shape as she had been since going into the hospital. The Dr. ordered home health, including two pumps, plus oxygen. He also was very clear that if Deb did not absolutely want to leave today that she could stay. Up until about 1:00 we were very uncertain as to her actually having the strength to go home. I finally got some food into her and it stayed down! Around 2:00 we made the decision to get out!

Thanks to Bev and the Nelson's I had plenty of help to get Debbie down to the car and away from the hospital before anyone could change their minds. After getting Debbie home she went right to bed, eventually Ryan and the birthday party arrived off the bus around 4:00 the activities began. Debbie enjoyed sitting in her lounge chair watching the activities. Vicky, Kim, Rod, and my parents some how had plenty of energy and the kids were having a blast. The dragon cake was a huge hit! The kids all screamed it was the best cake they had ever seen!!! Thank you Leanna for the hard work you put into that. I will try to get a picture posted on here of it eventually.

Debbie was loosing her hair so fast now that we went ahead and buzzed her after everyone left. She is much happier not having chunks falling around everywhere. We took lots of pictures of the buzz, including the Mohawk I gave her at first!! :)

I spoke with Dr. Bala this morning who had found another study. One location of the study was Boston, thought we might have come to visit Scott and Julie! Unfortunately when we called up there that study too had been put on hold or stopped. I have a call in to one of their intake persons to see if there are any other studies. But so far things are not looking good there. Dr. Bala said there may be some drugs that are in studies but that have not been used on sarcomas but could be, as apposed to some other drugs he could not use because they are not approved for any treatments. We will have to see if those will be appropriate.

I spoke to Dr. Breyer about Debbie's jaw and the pain that she is having. I have looked at the CT scans of her head. Apparently a CT of the head does not include the jaw? Dr. Breyer was fairly confident that the tumor is likely in her jaw as she has been having the same pain their and numbness for at least 2 weeks. He does not recommend radiation because the mouth is so sensitive that the treatment would be worse than the disease. Debbie agrees that she does not want the radiation in her mouth.

So tonight Debbie was able to say prayers with the kids in their room, and then head to her bed. She is enjoying being in her home again. Thank God for the small things, and the big. Ryan and Megan had many questions tonight about moms cancer after she headed to bed. Ryan certainly understands that the cancer is winning the battle. Megan in her innocent understanding asked if mommy would be alive for her birthday....I honestly answered we just don't know. She then asked if mommy would be alive when she is 80, I laughed and let her know that that may be stretching things a bit.

Thank you all for your prayers and for the many of you who made this day possible! At 8:30 this morning when I was talking to the Dr. on the phone I was not sure she would make it home. I also was not sure the rain would end so the kids could be outside having so much fun. In the end it has all worked out. God truly is carrying us in the palm of His hand through all of this.

Now if we can just be sure that Strep throat does not hit us all. Megan came home from Preschool with 101 temp. She only complained of a head ache. Tonight she has the head ache and a sore throat. I have a twinge in my throat. MMMM? Say some prayers. I will likely be tracking down another Dr. tomorrow if she continues her fever, it had broken today and she did fine, tonight no fever for either of us. Keep those prayers coming! :)

Thanks Gary and Vicky

Well what a day. I noticed today that most of the animals in the zoo are smarter than the people walking around in the rain trying to see them in their dens happily sleeping on a cool rainy day! Ryan and I had fun anyway. Nothing like a pair of walky-talkies to make a trip to the zoo an adventure.

I received text messages throughout the day to keep me up to date on Debbie. At one point Gary let me know that they had taken 1.5 lites of fluid from around the lung. Her pulse oxygen number was back to normal after that, at least for a short time. (tonight it was back down to around 88) We will get word later on the fluid and if it is malignant.

While I was at the zoo I received a call from MD Anderson. Basically what they had to say was have your Dr. call our Dr. They had reviewed her medical records and at this time there does not seem to be a study she would be able to participate in. I will talk with Dr. Bala tomorrow about calling MD Anderson, but after my conversation with them I am not very encouraged that there will be any reason to travel down there. If anything the Dr.s can discuss treatment options here.

We will start home health with Debbie. I really look forward to having her back home! The kids are very excited to have her home! I hope the rain holds off for Ryan's party tomorrow so she can sit outside and see all the nice flowers and enjoy the party!

The auction tonight was nice. I was glad to be back at least physically with Coyote Hill. I did leave early so that I could go see Debbie for the first time today.

I will say that mothers day may be very difficult. I was buying cards for Debbie from the kids and could not help the flood of emotions that came over me. I am so glad that Deb will be at home and that we can all enjoy the day together!

Tomorrow I hope to be blogging after the party and let you all know that things are going well. Until then,

Andy

Update on Deb-

UPDATE ON DEB-
With Andy out of town this morning I went to the hospital to catch what the doctors had to say and report back to Andy. I am sure that like myself most of you check the blog throughout the day - I thought that I would tell all of you what I found out this morning so that you could have some type of an update before Andy returns and blogs tonight.

Right now Deb is having surgery on her lung and is having extra fluid drained from it. At 12:30 this afternoon they are going to start her first round of radiation. She will have this done nine more times. Deb is being discharged from the hospital tomorrow afternoon just in time for Ryan’s birthday party. YEAH!!! She will be coming home with both the pain medicine and anti-nausea medicine in the pump/tube form, which is what she has now. After meeting the many doctors, Andy is right they all seem to be on top of things and very caring.

I hope this helps some of you as you anxiously await the next entry.
Vicki

Anderson update

I have filled out an online referal, and recieved a very prompt call back from MD Anderson. Sheryl took all of Debbies information and will be requesting that all of her medical information be sent to them. This will take about a week to get all that information to them and then for the Dr.'s to review it. So as usually with cancer there is nothing that happens fast in the treatment world.

Sheryl did tell me that if she comes down she will need to physically be able to handle coming to the outpatient center about 5 days in a row. We would stay in a hotel near by. Sheryl's concern was if Debbie would be physically able to handle it. Dr. Bala will be contacted by their Dr.s if they can give him recommendations of treatments to try up here. Or they may be able to do a Dr. to Dr. admit down their. Again a lot of contingencies.

So again, for now we will keep working on making Debbie comfortable. Talking with Radiology about the new tumor on her hip and discussing the fluid on the lung.

Thank you all for your continued prayers. Today I feel God's presence, He will carry us through! We are "standing on the promises of God" as the poster in our room declares! (Thanks Kim and Carolyn for that!)

MD Anderson

The Dr. spoke with the head of the study down in Houston. Unfortunately the arm of the study that would address the Extraskeletal Myxoid Chondrosarcoma has been put on hold. Apparently the drug company is the one putting the hold on. So there is no telling if and when that will reopen.

At this point we will talk with Dr. Breyer about radiating the new soft tumor on her hip to help reduce the pain she is having there. We will then discuss draining the lung. So no telling how much longer she will be in the hospital. I am working with the team to at least have her home Friday for Ryan's B-day party. I am not sure if that will happen. There are a lot of "Ifs'" between now and then.

After consulting with Radiology etc. we will plan on going down to MD. Anderson some time after that treatment. There are some phase 1 studies going on there but basically we will have to go down there, get evaluated and see if they can offer anything to help.

I wish there was more we could do. Her brother Mike suggested the Beer study where Beer could cure the Cancer. Too bad Debbie doesn't like beer. :)

I will be going with Ryan to the Zoo tomorrow with Ryan, when I get back I will be heading to the Red Neck Night of Fun. So I will be away from Deb for an entire day. I am not excited about it, but Ryan really needs dad right now, and I should really go to the auction. I will have the team call me with any changes tomorrow so I will be in on what is going on.

It is hard to type

Typing is difficult. We are sitting in grief. The good news first. The spots on the liver have not changed. Dr. Bala believes those may just cysts.

The difficult news. There is major tumor growth. The lungs have multiple more growths. The pancreas has a small new growth. There is a new muscle tumor on her right hip. Her right lung has a large amount of fluid that we may need to drain. Basically the cancer is winning at this time.

Dr. Bala is calling MD Anderson now.

2 units of blood today

Yesterday I missed the Dr. when I got there around 8:00 so today I got there at 7:15. I was able to visit with Dr. Bala when he arrived after 8:30. Well, guess we both wanted to be sure to catch each other. Today they worked on her pain meds more. Also she needed two units of blood as her hemoglobin was low, around 8. Her platelets were getting higher, 78, so there was some good news there.

The CT scan took place with out any difficulty his afternoon. I am feeling anxious for the news from the scan. If there is reduction in the tumors, then we will continue with chemo. If there is growth then the Dr. will make the phone calls to make things happen with MD Anderson. Most likely if there is no change we will also look at MD Anderson, but not sure about that.

So tonight has been a night of waiting, again.

Hey, I forgot to mention that we did get a cool care package from the Deans. The DVD's were great, I was able to put one in last Saturday while Debbie was home. She was watching and enjoying the scenery of Mt. Rushmore and the Black Hills! The kids loved the cookies and the pictures. Sorry I forgot to mention that! Tom, shoot me an e-mail to tell me all about the wheeling in Arkansas. I would love the distraction. Any good video for me to torture Debbie with? :)

Dr. Tracy, I told Debbie you are coming to town, I hope you will get a chance to drop in. It is hard to believe it has been 10 years since she graduated from Vet school!! If you have a problem reaching us you can go to www.frontyardchurch.org Pastor Nick told me he has a section in there, as of today, for ways to help. Nick would also be glad to help you get our e-mail address and phone numbers if you don't have them. I just hate to post them here since I don't want a bunch of spam and phone calls from folks in India trying to sell me something! :)

Again, thank you all for your continued prayers. Tomorrow will be a good day to see a miracle. Of course I am realizing that every day with Debbie is a miracle and we are being blessed in so many ways. What ever happens tomorrow it will be a continuation of a journey we are walking with God, and with each of you.

Until tomorrow,

Andy

Debbie had an outing!

Joyce just got home and told me that Debbie was able to get in a chair and head out side for a little outing. Joyce said going down the hill to the end of the parking lot was easy. The huffing and puffing trip back up the hill was great for Debbie but a little rough on mom! :) So while we were out in the yard Deb was out in spirit with us!!!!!!

Spring Flowers!

I missed Dr. Bala this morning but did catch the Neurologist. Unfortunately I am more interested in Bala, so tomorrow I will go even earlier. Deb had a little bit of a rough morning, more so because she was over medicated once again. Basically they are trying to find a good basil level for Deb so that she does not have to keep hitting her pain button, the problem is in finding the right dose. We will keep working on this one!

Deb continues to have the strange lazy eye and numbness in her lip. She has been eating and today she seems to have difficult in not biting her lip while eating. We were able to get up and walk twice while I was there.

I came home around 4:00 to find Bob Moore finishing up mowing the yard. He was able to make it nice for the ladies from church that came and helped with the flower beds and vegetable garden. Ryan and Megan had a blast and really enjoyed having everyone over. Thank you to everyone that helped. Also thank you to the ladies from Boonslick Animal Hospital that had helped to prep the bed by pulling out old stuff late last week! They will be coming back and working on the bed down by the mail box. We have received a very nice donation from Boonville for that flower bed!

Again I am humbled by the huge outpouring of love and affection from everyone. This is a very difficult time for our family, yet you all are making things much easier and the yard will look great when Debbie gets home. Sara you did great at helping with the kids through dinner and bath time. It was nice to be able to actually get to sit down before 10:00 with the the kitchen all cleaned up and the kids asleep and happy!

I am also thankful for the continued calls for support. I have spoken with Charlotte from Combined insurance. I have now mailed in the signed document, and a huge pile of itemized bills. Thank you Charlotte for reaching me. I have also spoken with a friend who is currently going through treatment with family at MD Anderson. This is truly a huge family full of friends ready to help. THANK YOU ALL!

Debbie is getting worried that she will not get thank you notes written to everyone that is helping! I am afraid that I will forget to mention something you all are doing while on the blog, but then I remember that you are not doing the things you do just to receive a card back. I know that you are all giving out of your love, and that God is honoring all the wonderful gifts you share, your time, your gifts and your talents are all given to the glory of God! Again Thank You, and to God be the Glory!!!!!

I will let everyone know tomorrow how the CT scan goes, though I doubt we will hear anything until Wed.

God Bless,

Andy

Keeping the Dr.'s Eye on the purpose.

It is late, but I thought I should check in before going to bed. The weekend seems like a blur! Saturday was filled with trying to get the Spinal Tap done. It did get done and according to the neurologist they have not found any cancer cells or other bad cells floating around yet. That is a blessing!

Ryan and I went to the Cub Scout camp at Thunderbird north of Moberly. Ryan was so glad to spend time with his dad, and I really enjoyed watching him having fun. The phone had next to no signal so I was a little frustrated on not knowing how things were going, but through a couple of text messages with Suzie and Gary I knew that Debbie was in good hands and all in the truly right hands, God's!

Today Ryan and I went right to mom to tell her about camp. We then went to the Petersen's to pick up Megan. Thank you Rod and Kim for a wonderful and relaxing afternoon! The tire swing passes the test!!!

Debbie has had a strange weekend with the neurologist involved. I feel like the case is getting a little side tracked trying to figure out why she has a "lazy eye" when the real fight is the cancer. I will be meeting with the Dr.s in the morning to try to figure out the plan of action for the week.

Kim T, I will try to reach you tomorrow, but if I don't for whatever reason just give my cell phone a call. We can play phone tag.

Thank you all for your continued words of encouragement. I am continuing to try to take care of myself in the middle of all of this, but as most of you know both Deb and I enjoy helping others far more. I want to thank Fairview Church in advance for helping with the flower beds and other projects! I know Deb will enjoy coming home to see the work, and she will enjoy getting out and getting her fingers dirty as soon as she is able (or sooner knowing her! :)

I have heard a rumor that Fairview is selling some pink bracelet's that say "Pray for Debbie" you can go to www.frontyardchurch.org to find out more about those bands and other ministry opportunities.

Also I am planning on going to the Red Neck Night of Fun the years largest fund raiser for Coyote Hill. I would love to see many of you there. You can check out www.coyotehill.org for more details on that event. I do know that my cousin Scott and his wife Julie have donated a week at their cottage in Maine for an auction item! There are many other wonderful auctions items that night as well. Come for the fun and the food! And come support Coyote Hill Christian Children's Home they are in ministry to the kids and right now to my family, without their support this would be nearly impossible for Debbie and I to deal with!!! Thank you house parents, and staff for your support, and thank you Larry for your continued support and encouragement!

Andy

GREAT MORNING!!!!!

Thank you all for your prayers! I certainly was discouraged as I watched Debbie yesterday and spoke with the Dr.s. This morning she called me before I got to the hospital. She sounded clear and strong. When I got to the hospital she was eager to change into some sweats and take a walk around the hall! She was absolutely back to full awareness and able to carry on a great conversation!

The Dr.s were the confused ones this morning as they tried to decide if they would do the spinal tap. Her numbers were rising and looking good, but one Dr. wanted the numbers higher and two others said it would be just fine. The two won and after talking to us about the side affects and reasons to do it we all decided to go for it. Deb was done by 11:30 and still feeling well.

She ate a little lunch, more than she has eaten for a long time. As she got more tired and ready to sleep she did get more confused, and the conversation went in all directions, but she was tired. She is sleeping well right now. She did say that the she wants to thank you all for your prayers, that the steroids they gave her last night helped, and she is really tired. So, if you happen to want to come visit today you might want to keep the visit short. There will be a couple of folks, Suzie Kidwell and Deb's brother Gary, who will probably be hanging out on and off most of the day to help her.

Gary will likely be at our house tonight. Ryan and I are heading to Cub Scout camp today, and Megan is having a sleepover with her friends Morgan, Caroline and Beth Anne tonight.

Again, I thank you for your prayers, my spirits were definitely lifted this morning getting to enjoy a real conversation with Debbie again. Though yesterdays conversations were kind of funny!!

As we figure out more about MD Anderson we can talk about a possible plain ride, or taking the RV that Loveall is donating, whatever will work for us and the Dr.s approve. I will be contacting MD Anderson after her CT scan early in the week. God is working through all of this and as I have stated earlier we feel Him in the room and in our lives constantly. You all are a part of His love and grace! THANK YOU!!!

Now what!?

O.K. the MRI was all clear! no tumor in the brain!!!! So now that we know that the Dr. is concerned about what is causing Deb to have double vision. A neurologist came in and examined Deb. He really wants to do a spinal tap to see if she has an infection or if there are tumor cells causing difficulties while floating in the spinal fluid. Since her platelets are so low she needs to have more before they do the spinal tap. If she does not produce more on her own by tomorrow they will give her more and then go ahead and do the spinal tap.

The other problem is that Debbie has been more and more confused and having difficulties tracking conversations as the day has gone on. She obviously is thinking about her many clients and animals as many conversations relate to treating dogs and cats.

At one point she was discussing getting out of here and going out for dinner! At least she had an appetite!! She did eat some green beans and a little bit of pork shop along with some orange sherbet for dinner. So she has earned a treat, my parents are bringing the kids over in a little bit and bringing her in a turtle Sunday from Shakeys!!!!! :) I imagine I will get to share some with her.

The Dr. is getting more and more discouraged by the progress of the disease. Pray for continued wisdom that everything that can be done is done. At this point I don't know that Deb has the energy to travel to MD. Anderson if she would be able to get in the study. Her confusion is very discouraging to me. Pray for my continued hopefulness...

Thank you,

Andy

Awesome God

http://www.godtube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=f9ee215bc49131d0caf3

This is only the chorus, and a pretty cool ending to a big concert I am sure, but I figured if we all got the song stuck in our heads it is not a bad song to keep repeating throughout the day!!!

By the way I never knew there was such a thing as "godtube" go exploring and see what you can find!

God bless you all!

Great Adventure video

http://video.aol.com/video/music-the-great-adventure-steven-curtis-chapman-the-great-adventure-concept-video/1773410

I don't know if it will work for you, but if you want to see a video and hear the song. Here is Steven Curtis Chapman singing his song. The horses are pretty cool! But God's Amazing Grace IS the great adventure!

Oxymoron

The Dr. called this morning, he had been to see Deb before I got there. He stated that the double vision that she has been having is very concerning to him. This is where the oxymoron comes in. He ordered an MRI "STAT"! Now that was 2 hours ago. It is Friday, the MRI machines are booked solid and I don't really think there is such a thing as "STAT" when it comes to an MRI on a Friday.

Any way he is highly suspicious that the tumor has now started in her brain. If so he will make an immediate radiology consult and look at zapping it with Radiation. At least these tumors do respond to radiation!

Looking for some sunshine today. Thanks for your continued prayers of support. And Leah I will be looking for the food from Chicago!

Rick, isn't it funny how God can put things in our heads when our brains are scrambled. As we talked yesterday about "Outrageous Hope" I apparently was thinking "Radical Healing" I guess it all works together well! :) What ever, I just want to be sure that everyone continues to focus on the Grace, Love, and even tears that God shares with us! God trully is an Awesome God. For all of the kids from youth group, you will appreciate the two songs that pop in my head often. First is "Awesome God" and second "The Big Adventure" . We all sang those songs on many work camps, they helped get through some fun days and some tough days. They continue to do the same on these days!

Thank you all for your continued cards, gifts, prayers, food, and support!

I will report more later today on the results of the MRI, whenever they get to that "STAT"

Mixed Blessings

I was able to be at the hospital this morning around 7:45. When I got there Debbie was barley breathing. The pain medication was so strong she would take a breath between 6 seconds and 30 seconds apart. Thankfully they had her on oxygen!! When the Dr. came in I shared my concern with him. He immediately changed her dosing and pulled everything off so that she could receive the medication only when feeling pain, or nausea (two separate meds but both very sedating!) She was still struggling to be "awake" even later this afternoon. Joyce (her mom) said that she finally awoke enough this evening to say she was hungry!! I bet, she has not really eaten in over a week, at least eating and keeping it down!

The mixed blessing was part of the conversation the Dr. had with us this morning. He stated that he was seeing some markers in the blood that may indicate the tumor activity is actually increasing instead of decreasing. Initially that got Debbie and I both a little discouraged, it didn't help much that we were also asked to think about filling out the advanced directive. The Dr. is concerned about exactly what our wishes will be if Debbie were to code. Basically with all the bone marrow involvement in her ribs, sternum and spine he is concerned that if the nurses go to do CPR they may cause extreme damage to her weakened bones. Any way to say the least we were feeling quite low.

Rick Matson came in a little later and spread the joy of Radical Healing. I was uplifted as we prayed! And later I remembered that we actually need to know sooner than later if the current chemo is going to work before we could qualify for the study at MD Anderson. So as I have stated the news is actually a mixed blessing. No one really expected this chemo to work, many studies have been done, this sarcoma just does not care if it gets a dose or not. So, next week the Dr. will do another CT scan and see how things are going. At that time we will discuss again the different options for the future. Deb will be in the hospital through the weekend and at least into early next week.

We continue to hold out hope for the future we are not just looking for healing we are looking for RADICAL HEALING!

Thanks for your prayers,

Andy

Deb getting 'Fine Tuned"

Well today's hospitalization has been building for several days. She really has not been able to keep food and water, and of course pills, down since Monday. Because of this she has been getting more dehydrated, and the pain has built back up. There really was not a choice today, she needed to go. And tonight she is resting VERY well. Joyce said she had a blood oxygen level of about 60 when she did not have her oxygen hooked up. I guess she is so relaxed she is shallow breathing. When she first got to the room and was huffing and puffing from pain she had a 91.

The nurse in the chemo room, where they put her to start fluids etc., said her blood was a mess, but not as bad as it could be. She pointed out that for patients who have had chemo at the level she did last week the blood was actually "normal."

So, at this time the Dr. will work on stabilizing the pain, getting the vomiting stopped, and helping Deb be more comfortable. I will go back early in the a.m. to meet with the Dr. and once again discuss the plans.

Again, I sure hope the cancer cells are taking as big a beating as she appears to be!

Thank you all for keeping in touch today. Thank you Melissa for coming to the rescue this morning, and Vicki and Joyce this afternoon! This mess is a lot easier knowing that I can simply make a couple of phone calls and get help in a hurry! We truly are blessed, and we continue to count our blessings each and every day.

God really is good! It seems that He continues to give me energy and courage, and rest. My new favorite pin to wear is the one they pass out at the Cancer Associates. "Cancer Sucks!" But what a glorious God who helps us get through the valley, and the green pastures are looking all the more green when standing with God! (The flowers are looking great too, not to mention the morels that we found this morning at the bus stop!)

Till tomorrow....


Andy

Text from Andy ....

We are putting Deb back in the hospital today. Lots of vomiting and pain. Blood work doesn't look good. The doctor wants to "fine tune" her treatment. Please continue to lift Debbie up in your thoughts and prayers. Your support means so much to us.

Andy.

Appology for unedited post

Sorry that last post was not edited very well, I was having a very difficult time with it. Must have been the picture. Anyway, you can probably figure out what I was saying, even with the typing and spelling issues! :)

Just for family

This is not the official finished product, but it is the picture I am leading toward from your Saturday outing. High Gate was graceous enough to send me some jpeg photos to pick through. Debbie and I will look through them and have several nice professionally "touched up" photos made. I just thought I would share a glimps of things to come from our Pink family. In this picture you can't see my pink tie, but it is there! :) Larry, this might be a good picture to use as the blog picture, can you e-mail me and tell me how to go about posting it that way, or can you just do it from this photo? Thank you all for your continued prayers!!!!

Where to start

Well today was another one of those very achy and ouchy days with lots of nausea as the day moved on. The Dr. appointment did not do much to answer questions. He looked at the study I had found, pointed out he had done a residency at MD Anderson and stated we would have to see how things go. Actually after reading the study again I did find that we will have to wait at least 3 weeks after the last treatment, and that we need to try other treatments first anyway. So once again, cancer is proving to be a very "hurry-up-and-wait" game.

Deb's blood counts were down a bit, the Dr. changed her anti-nausea meds, and doubled her pain meds. Regardless Deb continues to suffer the effects of the chemo, I just hope the cancer cells are catching as much damage as her intestines and soon to be mouth!

In reading the labs and looking at the pictures I found I could not upload any pictures, and though I have learned to read the gross views, I am not so good at radiology! :) The long and short of it all is that there continues to be a lot of concern about her progressive metastatic disease. The Lung and Liver do show the tumors and those tumors were not seen in November.

As a way of displaying the truth in "if you can't laugh you will likely cry"....

Around 9:00 I was working on getting Deb some medications, she had just taken a sinochot and some mouthwash the Dr. had prescribed. Apparently the mouthwash did not sit well in her stomach, and since I was standing between her and the bathroom my back-side took a direct hit of the very expressive event! I could not help but laugh even as Deb continued to suffer over the sink. After some good back rubbing, and helping her back to bed I cleaned up the mess, and by then was able to laugh with Debbie.

We will continue to focus on the sunshine! I have flown many times, I know that above even the thickest of clouds there is sunshine! And how beautiful it is to break through the clouds. I like to think that God is reminding me of that when it seems like there is a very low ceiling down here.

God really does have us in the palm of his hands, and there can be no more comfortable place to be!!!!

Long Weekend

It is Sunday night and we have made it! Debbie was able to get to the photographers yesterday. High Gate in Rocheport, did a great job of working with us. Thank you to those who helped make that possible!

After the session Debbie came home and went right back to bed. She slept until her brothers arrived around dinner time and she managed to stay up and "hang-out" till around 10:00 p.m. It was very special having her brothers here and having some time just to hang!

This morning Debbie was able to sleep in a little, then get ready to go. The car ride to Grandma's Birthday party was pretty good...she slept all the way. Once she arrived there were more family than I can remember ever being together. Chris and Norman are troopers to open their house to this clan!!! It was great to see Uncle Dana who dropped in for the enjoyment of seeing Grandma turn 90 and to introduce his "intended" also named Debbie!

The trip home was not terrible, though the pain was getting to her after trying to sit or stand for so long. By the time we got home she jumped right back into bed. She awoke just a few minutes ago in terrible pain, but being the trooper she is, she took a pain pill and is moving out to sit by the fire on our deck with her brother. Just a couple extra pillows and that nice lounge chair, some blankets, pretty much moving her bed to the deck! :)

This has been a nice weekend with friends and family, thank you all for your continued support.

Tomorrow it is off to the Dr. We will be discussing how things are going, I will also be asking about the study at MD Anderson in Houston Tx. Because she has the spots on her lungs and liver I am hopeful that those will be measurable and help get her in the study. I will let everyone know more as we find out more. Thank you all for your continued prayers.

And for those wondering, it has been a little over 7 days and her hair is doing just fine. The kids are getting prepped for the "fall out" and Susan helped with the suggestion of how short to cut it off as it is falling out.

A report on the RV. Loveall RV in Columbia is going to provide us with a 2006 RV to use! I will report more on that as we work out details. First things first. FIND A CURE!!!!! :)

Until tomorrow....

Andy

Maybe it is not just my sandwiches?

Today Debbie and Megan got their hair cut. I have received reports from Suzie and Kim P. that Megan did a really good job...once they finally convinced her to actually sit down to get her hair done. As Debbie pointed out, Megan really wanted mommy to give her full attention. We had thought that having them both done at the same time would save time and help Deb out. Well lesson learned. Seems we are learning a lot of lessons as we go!

Debbie reported that throwing up in the wind just before a storm is not much fun, but she enjoyed the outing! (really, I did not feed her strange stuff today)

Suzie, Claire and Julia were a nice blessing this afternoon! Claire and Julia did a great job playing with the kids and really keeping the level of fun in our house high! Suzie and I got to talk and just relax. It was nice to just sit and enjoy talking.

Debbie and I both saw a cool bird outside, our combined vote leans to Scarlet Tanager, though a Baltimore Oriel was second runner up. It was eating from the suet block, that helped the choice of species.

Tomorrow we will get the family pictures taken in Roachport. Kim P helped set this up as well! Kim you are helping us so much! Thank you!!!!

After the outing today Deb went right to bed, unfortunately she missed the Nelsons from Boonville as they brought by a wheel chair and some other items. Thank you Lloyd and Nancy!

Well we are still on track for trying to make the Birthday Party/Family Reunion on Sunday. Joyce mentioned today that she was able to get e-mails out to some of the family. If you just got this blog spot today, I am sorry we did not get you notified earlier, and welcome. We hope to see you on Sunday!!!

Thank you everyone for your continued prayers! God really is surrounding us with His total and complete love!!

Andy

THANK YOU!

I think that there is just something about hair! I was getting a little overwhelmed with the idea of setting up the beauty salon trip, so this morning I let Kim help me. She called and set something up, I will let everyone know how it goes.

I want to thank everyone for offering their services, or the services of others. Debbie and I were very moved by the offer from the ladies in Boonville! They offered to come to the house! That would be great, if something happens with Debbie tomorrow and she just does not feel up to going out we will be in contact.

Cindy,
You have been wonderful! Deb was so glad to hear all of your advice on her hair. At this time she is leaning toward the "bald is beautiful" look. And after all isn't it?! The fun part of this is that in telling the kids what would be happening they both don't want her to loose it. So somewhere out of a drugged fog Debbie told the kids they could place some of the tattoo's they have collected in their rooms on her head!!!!!!!!!! NOW THAT IS A WOMAN, can you picture her with Micky, a Princes, SpiderMan and a Pirate, stuck on her head? At least she will give people a reason to look. 6'1" Bald and Tats' then there is her husband in a pink shirt. I AM THE LUCKIEST MAN IN THE WORLD!!! This is going to be fun. :)

Deb goes shopping!

On the way home from the Dr.'s office today Debbie decided that she really wanted a comfortable lounge chair out on the deck. So with a very nervous husband we "walked" (really more of shuffled) into WalMart. Thankfully the Garden center was close to the parking spot and she sat in the first chair she came to. I brought the rest to her. None we liked. So off to Westlakes, going across town would have been way to much. Picture Deb in the new scrubs, arms bruised from all the needles, and looking like someone had just kicked her in the tummy, now make that image look a little worse, you might begin to get an idea. The poor girls at Westlake check out just kept looking. I think one of them at least was not sure she would not be calling for an ambulance! One of the very nice young men helped bring out a lounge chair, Deb lay down, we tried two different pads and Debbie was done. I kind of thought about just letting her sleep there for a while, but it was the same chair I had to strap to the roof of the van. So I set her in a very comfortable chair with a lot of padding and loaded the other. Now she would like to go back and get 4 of the other chairs to put around our table. Not exactly in the budget! :)

She was so happy to have the lounge chair home she went right to bed! Thank goodness, though she did get up to eat some of Ellain's great stew and the sides. The kids loved the stew Ellain Thank You!

Some Medical Stuff

The Blood work today did not look too bad. She did not need any more blood. I will include the numbers for those medically inclined. I will list only the low ones the others were all normal. I am listing the Ref. Range beside each Low number. If nothing else I will have a place these are written down.
WBC 2.0 4.8-10.8
PLT 84 130.0-400.0
Neu#(ANC) 1.1 1.5-6.5
LY # 0.8 1.2-3.4

Most of you will be like me and just politely nod and smile....

Also today I got to take a look at the full body PET scan. They will be giving me a copy of it on CD next Monday. But basically there is an awful lot of very dark bone. Dark is not good, lite is good...seems like I have learned that somewhere...
Both femurs, her entire pelvis, her spine, ribs, shoulders, pretty much everywhere she hurts. I was also able to see a couple of the new spots on her lung and liver. I was shown the same area from November and they were clear. Now there are several little grey areas who knows maybe those could help to get Deb into the study I discussed earlier? I will talk with Dr. Bala on Monday.

Not for those with weak tummies! :)

Debbie received a phone call from Dr. Bala's nurse wanting her to come in today for some blood work. So after a morning that started off with "dry heaves" we let Deb rest till this afternoon.

When it was time to leave Deb asked for a peanut butter sandwich. Now, if you know Deb you know that she loves grilled peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Only right now she only eats a little at a time. So as we headed out the door I grabbed the sandwich from yesterday, tossed it in the microwave long enough to warm it a little and we headed out, along with a nice big glass of chocolate milk. Did I mention she had also had about 10 ounces of ice cold milk before leaving?

Now if you are reading this while eating a late night snack, or sitting at your desk for lunch please be warned, this story is heading south fast!

The ride to the office started with about one or two small bights of the sandwich, washed down with a very large amount of the chocolate milk to chase the warmed over, day old, sandwich. The rest of the ride was very, very quiet.... At the Dr. office we did find a notary to help with some paper work, poor Deb sort of walked from one spot to another, a look on her face which can only be described by picturing the above mentioned items doing back flips in her tummy!

By the time the nurse sat her in a chair, stuck the needle in her port and drew blood I was reminded of the Stand by me scene when the kids are sitting around the fire telling stories.

I think I forgot to mention that on the way into the office, first thing I had asked for was "something", "just in case" The very kind attendant handed me a very small emmises (sp?) tray. Now I am not sure of exactly how much those will hold,....but doing the math... and then thinking about all the milk, chocolate milk, and maybe even some water earlier that went in plus the couple of bights of sandwich....I can tell you....NOT ENOUGH!!!!!


It seems like once upon a time I was bothered by things like this, now, I just play catcher. Then I get damp towels and water, then I got to start cleaning her lets, chair, floor, shoes.. eventually the nurses just got her a wonderful new pair of pretty blue scrubs.

The Dr. was called, he questioned her about needing to go back to the hospital, she mentioned a day old sandwich her wonderful husband had given her, and how much better she felt now. He laughed and agreed to giving her iv fluids and a shot to help with the nausea.

Some how I don't think I get to earn "good husband" points for cleaning up a mess I created! :)

....come to think of it, I actually just came up with the solution to her "dry heaves"!!!

long Day

This was a long day for me. I went out trying to ensure that Combined Insurance, our secondary cancer policy, gets all the paper work they need. Again, this company is easy to pay when the agents show up at your door, but hard to collect from!

Debbie slept most of the day, the chemo, the pain pills, whatever, she is simply tired, and sick. She did get up and walk around a little, but mostly from one prone position to another.

Her hair has not fallen out yet, I am not sure how long it will take to do so, but she wants to go to the beauty shop with Megan and watch Megan get her hair cut for the summer (mostly because as much as dad loves her long hair it will be difficult to keep looking nice once the pool is in use) Debbie also had the idea of getting her hair cut and styled, then getting our family picture taken before the hair is gone. Suzie Kidwell will bring Claire and Julia down Friday for this adventure. Does anyone in Columbia have any good recommendation on where to send them? Debbie has always cut her own hair and mine, and the kids! So I don't even know where to begin, other than walking into some place at the mall.

Please keep praying, I thought I found a trial that would be open to Deb, but it wanted to have a measurable tumor, the bone marrow may not be. I will still check with the Dr.'s It is a R1507 trial at MD Anderson in Houston.

We have an appointment with Dr. Bala Monday.

Debbie also wants to go to her family reunion this coming Sunday, as she has stated it might be the last one...Pray for her strength to improve, I know her spirit is willing, not so sure about her body.

Donations

I noticed in one of the responses a question about donating to help our family go on some of these trips. I know that Fairview United Methodist Church, www.frontyardchurch.org is working on coordinating some donations for us. At this time I don't know exactly what our need will be. It may be great or it may be less. I struggle with this, as I stated in a previous post Coyote Hill Christian Children's Home www.coyotehill.org is continuing to pay me each and every day even though I have not been there. I would really like people to consider making a small monthly donation to Coyote Hill from this month forward in honor of Debbie. Like I said earlier $5.00, or $10.00 a month really does go a long way when many people make that donation regularly. If you would like to make a donation to our family directly please go through the church. If we end up not needing that money I would like to go ahead and pass that money on to Coyote Hill as well. The kids at the Hill know what it is to struggle with family pain, if we end up doing o.k. financially without the extra help then I think that the ministry that is currently helping us financially will be able to put the money to good, and direct use for abused and neglected children.

Thank you all, money is one of those issues I have no problem asking for when it goes to help others, I feel completely humbled to consider the need for receiving the help as well. I guess it is much like Christmas, it really is a joy to give, but if no one is there to accept the gift it would be wasted. And of course the ultimate Gift is Christmas.... The Christ Child who grew to know our suffering and spread His arms in Love. Thank you all for spreading your arms in love and reaching out to our family!

Home

We arrived home around noon. Megan was with grandma here at the house. After getting Debbie tucked into bed Megan and I ran to Boonville to the Pharmacy. Thanks Terry for the help, Medical Arts is wonderful to work with!

I wish I could say the same for Boone Hospitals Billing department! Now before I start ranting please keep in mind that at this point we are doing just fine financially. We have been following Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace course and have come a long way in keeping on tract. Debbie actually took out a supplemental cancer policy a couple years ago through Combined Insurance. The problem is that Combined is great at showing up at your door to pick up a check and sell you more coverage, but collecting on that coverage is a huge pain. Apparently we still have not been payed on the claims from the November surgery. Due to waiting on that payment coming in from the insurance company she was waiting to pay the bill from the hospital. Apparently that bill has hit it's fourth month. Usually not a big deal, Debbie would have paid the bill out of a different portion of our "cash flow plan" and budget we have put together according to Dave Ramsey. So now the RANT! Today, just after getting home from the hospital where we have been all week I receive one of those CRAZY, OBNOXIOUS automated collections call from Boone Hospital. I could hardly understand the computer generated voice, when I pushed buttons on my phone to take care of the matter the machine ended the call. I called right back to the hospital and spoke with a Tony in Billing. I let him know just how upset I was, and paid the bill over the phone. BUT COME ON!

Any way I digress.

Debbie had a pretty good day, she is very tired, but has tried to get up several times. Thank you Vicki for bringing Colby over to play, you allowed Debbie and I some time together.

Right now Debbie is asleep on her camping mat in our new addition, cool air blowing in across her as she snuggles with a prayer shall and pillows. It is so nice to have her home.

The kids have had several questions about the Cancer and we were able to answer every one. At bed time we discussed changes in the home and changes in our family, again from the cancer society book. The kids are doing well.

Thank you all for your continued prayers! Go Chemo Go!