Planting a Legacy

Article in the Boonville Daily News about Planting a Legacy at CMU in honor and memory of Deb.

Happy Anniversary

Well, just as Debbie and I had predicted 17 years ago, today is a gorgeous day! We were on a hay ride with a youth group when we discussed that October would be a great month to get married. I told her that we should get married the next year. And long story short, we did! Today it has been 16 years since we stood together at the Methodist Church in Camdenton Missouri. In all these years I can only think of one year that the weather was not perfect! I am so glad that it is holding true this year!

You know it is hard to describe the emotions today. Megan has been home sick for the past two days, today we went to the Dr. to find out it is a virus. So I am keeping busy working from home and keeping her comfortable. Like I said it is hard to describe the emotions, probably really nothing I say would make any sense, I can hardly sort them out. But I can say that I am thankful for all the wonderful e-mails of support I have been getting today.

There are so many people missing Debbie, she meant so much to so many. I so often see a picture of her and think of how lucky I was to have been married to such a wonderful person. I know that someday I will get to be with her again in heaven, and until then she lives in my heart as she lives in so many of yours.

Well go outside, take a deep breath of the fall air, say a prayer of thanks for all the gifts in our lives, and remember that God is truly amazing. He keeps me going and I know He is keeping many of you going as well.

Thank you all,


Andy

It has been a while

Well, I thought I better sit down and let everyone know some details about the memorial bench and tree. On Saturday October 11th, at 11:15 a.m. we will gather on the sidewalk outside of Lynn Memorial on the campus of Central Methodist University. At that time we will have a dedication service for the tree and bench. I am really kind of flying by the seat of my pants on this since I have not planned a great deal to happen on that day. I am hoping for some good serendipity to come along.

It took me forever, and a lot of sleepless nights, to try to figure out what to put on the bench as a memorial for Debbie. There are no words to express all that she was and still is in our hearts. I read through her journal and have been reading the same Bible study she started back in January. What kept coming to mind was her desire to take time to be with God, to rest in His love and spend time in His word. Entry after entry in her journal referred to coming to God in times of difficulties and in times of joy. Finally I decided to go with Matthew 11:28, Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

I figured that is perfect for a bench, and for the way Debbie lived her life. She went full throttle each and everyday, and yet knew that she could always come to God and find peace. The tree will be a hard maple that will change to a wonderful fall foliage each year around our anniversary. We always loved the fall and in fact that is why we chose the fall to get married in.

Anyway, if you have any ideas on how to pull off a good service on the 11th let me know, otherwise I am planning on just showing up, singing some songs, saying some prayers, sharing some stories of Debbie's life and closing with a prayer.

After the short ceremony I think several of us will head down to Emmet's for some more times of sharing, crying and laughing together. Everyone is welcome to come and enjoy the memories.


As a short update on how the kids and I are doing:

Well school started kind of rough for Megan, lots of separation difficulties in the morning, but that has gotten a lot better. Ryan has been doing great at school, but does have the occasional sleepless night. He is a trooper and has been known to lay in bed for hours before going to sleep on the most difficult nights. I will rub his back and pray with him and eventually he drifts off to sleep, thankfully that is not a nightly occurrence, but it does seem to happen on nights when we have been thinking of mom a lot. I continue to have good days and bad days, good hours and bad hours, and some times good moments and bad moments. Mostly very lonely and missing my best friend.

With the speed of everything going on during Debbie's illness I just took things one day at a time. Now as I have time to think and run through things in my mind it can get a little overwhelming. The reality of being a family of three is hitting home. As I find a new path for us we are enjoying trying new things. This past Friday night we went to watch the Hickman v. Rockbridge football game. Ryan absolutely loved it! If he is anything like me he will surely play in high school and maybe even college. Last night I took Megan to a father daughter dance to help raise funds for Amanda McDaniel. She is still fighting her cancer and has left today to go back to Houston. (you can follow her treatment at www.cheersforamanda.blogspot.com) Megan enjoyed getting dressed up and wearing the corsage (not sure if I spelled that correctly, it was the flower! :) ) I had fun once again trying to figure out how to blow dry her hair, still have not been successful with the curling iron! :)

So pretty much we just keep on keeping on and put one foot in front of the other. I want to thank you all for your continued prayers, and I know that many of you have been checking in to see if I post. I do still receive messages from this blog directly to my e-mail and if some of you would like to e-mail instead of posting that is fine. You can always reach me at andy@coyotehill.org and you can see what is going on with Coyote Hill by going to www.coyotehill.org I am currently working on fundraising with the 50% tax credits, so if anyone has a business interest and would like to donate to the Hill with tax incentives let me know.

I will probably be posting a bit more for the next couple of weeks so keep checking in. It sounds like the Boonville paper will be running an article on Debbie. I will let you all know when that gets published.

Thank you all again,

Andy

October

First let me thank everyone who continues to check in here, I know that most have moved on, but some still check to see what is happening.

Ryan, Megan and myself went to Maine and enjoyed some time with family there. It was great, and a way to learn how to be a family of three. We continue to learn each day just how much we can miss Debbie, but also how much she has taught us about living. We are doing o.k. God continues to hold us in His arms.

In October we will be having a tree dedication, and I am working on a memorial bench. We are planning on doing this on the campus of Central Methodist University on home coming weekend. It also just so happens to be our 16th wedding anniversary weekend. This will be October 11th. The plans are still in the process, so you may need to keep an eye out for more information to come.

Now for those who did not know, the phone book is wrong. Many of you tried sending me mail there. For many reasons I did not want to post my address on line during Debbie's illness, we just had too many narcotics etc around, and I did not want everyone in the world to know when the house would be empty etc. So, now that we are home more, my address is 1450 N. Boothe Lane, Columbia, Missouri. 65202. I really am sorry for the difficulties some had in trying to send us mail on Waterfront, and I really feel sorry for the person living there! :)

Thank you all again!

More prayer needed now!

I just got word, Larry, the executive director at Coyote Hill and the person responsible for helping me set up this blog; has a daughter, Amanda, who has had new growth in her tumor. Obviously with the crazy way cancer can act it is very important to jump all over this. If you would like to follow her with your prayers you can go to http://cheersforamanda.blogspot.com Larry and she are at MD Anderson right now awaiting more test. Please pour out your hearts to the Lord. Cancer has stolen enough from us, Amanda needs to be a positive story of healing!

As for the kids and I, we are on a roller coaster ride of emotions. I described it to someone as the typical ups, downs, quick turns and twist. The good news is that God is our safety harness keeping us firmly planted!

Tonight my heart is once again breaking with the news of Amanda's cancer spreading, it has been just too soon since I heard that news about Debbie. I just pray that the miracles that can happen do happen for her. Also I have to remind myself that every cancer is different.

Keep watching this blog, as I will update everyone later when we have the service of spreading Debbie's ashes in Fayette. We are working on getting a nice oak tree and a granite bench to place on the campus of CMU. This will likely take place in the fall. Most of her ashes will be there, some will go into the ground at our house with another tree, some to a tree at Fairview UMC, and just because Debbie thought it would be fun, a little will go to the Virgin Islands where we got engaged and had our honeymoon.

Thank you all for your continued prayers for us, and now for Amanda and the McDaniel family.

Andy

Welcome Home

On Sunday May 18th Debbie went to walk with the Lord following a valiant fight against cancer. She passed away in her home surrounded by family and friends. A Celebration of her life will be held at Linn Memorial United Methodist Church in Fayette, Missouri on Sunday, May 25th, 2008 at 4:00 p.m.

Debbie was born in Kansas City, Missouri; daughter of Joyce and Gale Stotlemyre. Her father Paul Gale Stotlemyre passed away when she was only two years old.

Later she moved to Stover, Missouri where she graduated Valedictorian in 1986. From there she attended Central
Methodist College in Fayette Missouri where she lettered in Basketball and Volleyball and served as President of her Sorority as well as being active in several service and education fraternities. She graduated Magna Cum Laude in 1990. She worked on a doctorate in Bio-Chemistry at the University of Missouri for several years. She then attended the School of Veterinary Medicine at the University
of Missouri, Columbia where she graduated in 1998. She practiced small animal medicine at Boonslick Animal Hospital in Boonville Missouri for the past 10 years. She was the president of the West Central Missouri Veterinary Medical Association.

Debbie had a passion for children and served as a house parent at Rainbow House in Columbia from 1993-2000. Debbie loved God and expressed that through the work of Fairview United Methodist
Church in Columbia, Missouri as a worker with youth, a leader in missions, and helping coordinate the annual “Little Bethlehem” live nativity event.

Most of all she relished her role as wife and mother. She married Andrew Upham on October 10th, 1992. She poured her soul into making a fun and loving home with her beloved Andrew and their children Ryan 7 and Megan 4. Debbie is survived by her husband and children, her mother and stepfather Joyce and Dave Williams of Sedalia, Missouri, her brother Michael Stotlemyre of Chillicothe, Ohio, her brother and sister-in-law Gary and Tiffany Smith and their son Stevie of St. Peters, Missouri, her Grandmother Martha Heman and many aunts, uncles, in-laws and friends.

In lieu of flowers, donations to the ongoing ministries to youth at Coyote Hill Christian Children’s Home, www.coyotehill.org, are suggested as a fitting memorial to this wonderful woman.

Tributes can be left online at www.memorialfuneralhomeandcemetery.com

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You may download the complete obituary posted above by clicking here.
It is a pdf file. Should you need the free pdf file reader, you can find it here.

Writing

Last night I started a journal for myself. It is filled with my love for Debbie, my love for God, and my broken heart. As a therapist I often instruct my clients to write. I have been writing in this blog, it has helped. As I write in my journal I pray for continued healing. I tell my clients in the beginning to simply "barf" on paper. Get it all out! I am expressing my inner feelings and frustrations there, I also express some of them here. I will spare you the "barfing" ! I know many of you too are struggling with broken hearts. I encourage you to write your thoughts and feelings in your journals as well.

Debbie kept a journal, she gave me permission to read it after she passed. She was not faithful in writing often. Sometimes months would pass between her writing. Her journal is a conversation between herself and God. It is such a treat to fall in love with my wife all over again as I read her writing. It is a testament to her faith, a testament to her weakness, a testament to God's unfailing grace and mercy, which truly was and is her eternal strength!!

Tonight I wrote the obituary for the paper. I will type it in here tomorrow, after I let others proof read it. Debbie has been and done so many things it is hard to keep it short. There is no way to adequately express the depth and beauty of her in a paragraph. Thankfully for most of us on this blog, we have been able to share in the love of Debbie. I like the stories. Greg, you could do me a favor and cut and paste your story to the blog, it is a testament to Deb. For everyone else feel free to post your memories, you can do as many as you would like, please remember to sign them at the bottom with your name. I get many anonymous posts that have no name. Unless you really want to be anonymous which is fine.

Just typing this post tonight has helped me to feel a little better. Gary, Tiffany and many others in St. Louis are going through pictures, LOTS of pictures to help get ready for Sunday. I know that there are many joyous laughs in their hearts, followed by the ache of loss. I want to thank them for going through this difficult time to help us all remember the wonderful life of Debbie.

I am heading in to write in my journal tonight, I will lean into the arms of God as He brings me rest. Tomorrow I will awaken and help plan the memorial, the celebration of Debbie's life. God will have to continue to Carry me, the depth of my sorrow is only relieved by the overwhelming depth of his love, often expressed through His people. (Humpty Dumpty Preschool families, you have been an overwhelming blessing today! The timing and gifts were perfect!) God truly continues to place people in the right place at the right time. Thank you all, and good night!!!